1halffull's Blog


Let’s Call It A Day
July 28, 2009, 1:21 am
Filed under: Humor, Jobs, Magician, Work

There are some days that you are absolutely doomed to be the loser in no matter how hard you try.  What’s that old saying?  Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the fire hydrant.

For example, if you wake up four hours before you really should be waking up, and then you can’t go back to sleep, you should be smart enough to recognize that it probably won’t get better from here, especially if it’s a Monday.

I prefer to wake up about 6:45, take my shower, put my lunch together then head out the door about 7:30.  This puts me at work by about 7:55 where I hopefully go to my office with the intent of sitting down, booting up my computer and reading my email.

Mornings that I wake up at 4:30, that’s not what happens.  On these mornings, I land at work about 7:10 – why not?  I have nothing better to do, including sleeping -, open my office, notice my phone is blinking with unanswered messages and proceed to lock myself out as I fly down one hall after the other putting out fires.  Suddenly 11 o’clock comes along and I’m finally getting my first cup of coffee and landing in my chair for the first time of the morning.  From there it’s all down the slippery slope over lunch and on to playing musical employees/volunteers with the three-too-many people who have shown up to help out that day when I have no jobs left for them to do.

You’d think in a place as big as ours, it wouldn’t be tough to find work for everyone.  You’re right, it shouldn’t be.  I can find lots of boring things to do, but people only want to do those things for just so long then they want something interesting to do.  This difficulty is compounded by the summer students who work with us five days a week.  They become the priority in terms of giving them work to do, which is why the rest are left with the boring tasks.

Another thing that happens on my job is that we can go the entire week without one extra project coming our way.  Then Thursday dawns.  Not only does it dawn, but it winds its way down till about 3:30 when we get the regular weekly phone call from one particular department – ‘Hey, I’ve got an 800 piece mailing here and I need it to go out tomorrow morning!”  Uh, do you know it’s one hour till quitting time?  Do you realize all the volunteers have gone home for the day?  Why do you wait every single week until 3:30 on Thursday to give us a project?

And yet, every Friday, we send the project to the mail room, completed.  Yes, we are miracle workers, thank you very much.

When Friday comes, I’m really ready to not only call it a day but call it a week – sometimes a week and a half.



It’s National Magician’s Day!
July 14, 2009, 3:10 am
Filed under: Humor, Magician, Work

I bet you weren’t aware that today was National Magician’s Day were you?  Or were you?

If you had a day like I did, it may have occurred to you that you were part of some cosmic coincidence totally unrelated to the moon and more likely related to crazy bosses everywhere.bunny

In talking with a friend this evening, she told me a story about how her boss left her some cryptic notes on a project that made no sense.  You see, her boss started somewhere in the middle of the conversation, never quite made it to the beginning and finished significantly short of the end.  One might think that the in between space actually carried the meat of the matter.  It didn’t.  To top it off, her boss thought she should pop open her computer at home after yet another cryptogram and do something else about another problem that, this time, had no guts at all.

I told her that her boss did that because she thought my friend is a magician.  I related my own similar experiences of the day.  I, too, must be a magician!

My morning began with a project that ended up having more labels than postcards, brought to me by an unknown person.  More labels than postcards is usually not a good sign, so I sat down and dropped a note to four women hoping that one of them would recognize the project and tell me what they wanted done about the situation.  I wouldn’t have had this problem if the person had actually completed a project request form and left it with the project.  However, many people seem to believe that not only am I a magician, but a mind-reading magician besides.

After a few flying emails I received a response from the job’s initiator; then I got a visit from a not so happy third party.  She was quite angry.  Her co-worker, the author of this little fiasco, called off this morning leaving her holding a bag full of she knew not what!  Of course, I was no big help, because, as I said, I didn’t have any project form to tell me what the original intent of the project was!  Finally, thanks to some hidden Kreskin-like magical power, I managed to determine that a new set of correct labels could be slapped over the wrong labels.  (Okay, really, I called someone who told me the post office wouldn’t go postal if we did that.)

Having performed my magic on this situation, I worked my way through the day, sprinkling fairy dust everywhere I went (okay, so it was powdered sugar – it still sweetened things up).  I was scheduled to leave the office at precisely 3:37 p.m.  Yes, that is an odd time.  However, it coincides with the time I arrived this morning, 7:07 a.m.  If I clocked out anytime past 3:37 p.m. the time clock system would go crazy and try to give me overtime.  That is a strict no-no.

formsI was totally on target for my departure when I got a call from MY boss.  In encrypted language, she told me ‘they’d’ (meaning she sent one and her co-hort sent the other) sent me two forms and she needed them to be a PAF or part of a PAF or…..

I said, let me open them up, see what you’re talking about  and I’ll call you back with questions.

Dutifully, I opened up both attachments, even though it was now 3:20 p.m., just 17 minutes from my scheduled departure time.  The first form I recognized – it was the PAF.  The second pseudo-form had a lot of words on it and appeared to need formatting help.  I called my boss.  She didn’t answer.  I was frustrated.

So, I did what I always do.  No, I didn’t get up and head for the door so I could make my 3:37 clock out time.  Instead, with my magical sensors beaming, I started to rework the form, just in case that’s what my boss meant through that inside out clockbackward two sentences she thought might be instructions.

Voila!  I finished the form at 3:51, saved it in a place I hoped she could find it, sent her a note saying “if this is what you wanted, this is where to find it”, and blasted out of the office.

When I reached the time clock, I tried the magic words that would turn the clock back.  Unfortunately, I don’t have that much magic dust to pull time out of my hat so I clocked out at 3:53 p.m. – I think.

Today, as a magician, I don’t know if I failed or not.  Maybe if I take a few magic classes then, like Bullwinkle, I’ll be able to say “Hey Rocky!  Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!”  If I’m lucky, I’ll also learn to read minds, too.