As I get older, I realize more and more that situations are not what they seem. Either that or people have just become better at spinning the truth to suit themselves. 
It seems to me that people are much less willing to take responsibility for what they do, what they say, how they act. While they don’t say ‘the devil made me do it as was once popular, they certainly behave as though someone besides themselves made them do it. (Side note: it couldn’t have been the devil anyway because no one believes in him anymore.)
Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of doors slamming. No, not the kind of doors that you hear slamming when your kids get mad, although there have been a couple of those. These are the doors that close on certain parts of our lives for one reason or another. The doors I’ve been hearing are in my head (yes, I am somewhat crazy – ask my husband). We begin to hear doors close when we need to make changes in our lives. I think that God is telling me that I need to make some changes in the way I think, the way I act, the way I live. Hence my closing doors.
Change is never easy. In truth, it can be very painful. When you’ve lived this long behaving one way, it’s hard to adjust and begin to live another. If only there was a Jenny Craig for life change, eh? It would be so simple. You’d call her up and say “Hey, how much will it cost me for you to send over a new life module? I want the one that turns me around and makes me a better person without any pain involved!” Voila! It would be done for you.
Of course, it doesn’t work that way. It’s a matter of discipline, of reminding yourself everyday that you’re not, in fact, responsible for what everyone’s doing. That’s God’s job, not yours. You can’t control the actions of anyone but yourself and you’re not even doing a very good job of that! It’s not your job so you have to stop trying to do it. Funny, isn’t it, how the one thing you’re willing to be responsible for you can’t be responsible for?
As hard as it will be, there are also benefits to these changes. I imagine I’ll be more relaxed and I’ll have much less to think about. I hope to take off my judges robe and just let people be who they are. After all, they’re on the same journey as I am and they have just as much right to make their own mistakes, experience their own successes, as I have. If they want to slide on the ice and risk a life changing spill, it will no longer be up to me to interrupt that process. But it also means that I no longer have to watch them do it, either. Now that will be really freeing!
I’m not sure how, but I hope somehow I no longer have to listen to people who want to dump all their garbage in my lap “because I have to put it somewhere”. Listening wouldn’t be so bad if you knew the person would move on after dumping. The hard part is watching them go off, pretending like everything is allright to everyone else then coming back to dump the same load over and over again. What do you do about that? I guess I’ll just pray God will find a way to slam some of their doors shut as well.
I know it’s dangerous to say out loud that you’re going to make changes. Once you do, everyone is watching and ready to pounce every time you mess up. I ask, in advance, for your patience as I begin to swim in these new waters. I’m sure there are choppy spots out there that will be harder to navigate than I might have hoped. Be patient with me. I believe I’ll get there. I know if God brings me to it, He can pull me through it. It’s just up to me to not let go.
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